Hello darling,

I can’t sleep right now, so I am writing to you. It has been 1 year, 3 months, and 17 days we met.

For the first 2.5 months, they were wonderful. I couldn’t have been happier. 

I had to leave overseas. But we stayed together…even if we were hanging by a thread. But I knew you were the only one for me, and I knew you’d feel better if we were together..even if it all it meant was phone calls and emails and some hand written letters.

And then something terrible happened. I lost the most important person in my life. 

I collapsed at the arrival airport. I cried 10+ hours straight on a plane ride home.

From the moment I got the phone call till now, you are still right next to me.

No words can amount to how lucky I am. I mean…who goes through all this in not even a year of dating? 

You’re still here making me laugh, cooking me dinner, holding me when the sadness comes in huge waves. 

No matter what, I’m the lucky one. 

 Good night. Thank you. 

To my friends and my boyfriend…

I am sorry for being so unresponsive/blank lately…I know in the past I used to be a lot more animated and fun. My loss is still….________. 

But those who understand…those who tell me every time they see me…

“Jae, you can do whatever you want to do. Take your time.”

Thank you. Your words have such a positive effect. 

I feel like I am supposed to stop being sad and just move forward with my life. 

But I don’t think I’ve ever been in this much pain. This much sorrow. 

I still can’t walk into the hospital without tears.

All my memories…all my thoughts…she’s there. 

They’ll be sunny days. i promise. Just a few more days of clouds.

I’ll come back in one piece.

There are things you want to do…supposed to do, and end up actually doing.

I want to: be something that is so far out of reach and insane.

I’m supposed to be: going into nursing soon.

But what I’ll end up doing for reals: ___________. Fill in the bank.

My head hurts. Sigh.

We need to talk.

I have really thick, coarse asian hair. In this weather, it can’t fully dry after 3 hours. Seriously?

I am slathering my body in lotion, because my skin is so dry…but then it feels slippery due to the humidity.

I love AC, but walking in and out of cool buildings to sweaty balls of rain and BO is making me get grossed out. And actually physically ill.

I need a nap pronto.

That’s all.